#26: Why Modern Life Feels so Hard (And How to Fix It).

Greetings?
Below is a substack piece by my more-talented-than-Dad daughter, Jane. She is a sales executive with Cisco who also has been writing advice pieces at substack.

She picked up on my theme of too many citizens in first world countries are depressed and lonely (in spite of increasing tech-delivered benefits), because of not proactively understanding and solving “evolutionary mismatches”.

Under “essays” on this site, I have a longer piece on these mismatches. Does she have a more concise and helpful effort?

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Why Modern Life Feels So Hard (And How to Fix It)  by Jane Merrifield

I’m writing this post from a remote beach town in Western Australia. By landmass, the state of Western Australia would be the 10th largest country in the world, but only 3 million people live here. 80% of those people live in the city of Perth, leaving the vast majority of the gorgeous coastline largely untouched. Life is simple here, communities are small, people look out for each other, and nature is everywhere. In a rare state of relaxation, I find myself reflecting on why my normal life feels so different.

Humans are in trouble these days. We struggle to focus, we feel an underlying hum of anxiety and depression, our bodies have aches, and we can’t seem to get a good night’s sleep despite being exhausted.

But here is a perspective that might change how you see yourself: You aren’t broken. We are simply living in a different world than we were designed to thrive in. The “Mismatch” Theory

Evolution is a slow process—it takes hundreds of thousands of years for our DNA to adapt to a new environment. However, our environment has changed more in the last 150 years (the blink of an eye in evolutionary time) than it did in the previous 50,000.

This creates an Evolutionary Mismatch. Our brains and bodies are perfectly designed for a world that no longer exists. When we force our bodies to thrive in a world they weren’t built for, we get glitches: chronic stress, inflammation, depression, anxiety and burnout.

Here are five of the most significant mismatches in our daily lives, and a few ideas to help you bridge the gap.

1. Movement: From Foraging to Sitting

The Mismatch: Our ancestors didn’t “work out” for an hour and then sit for eight. They lived in a state of low-level, constant movement—walking, squatting, carrying, and climbing.

• The Glitch: When we sit for hours, our metabolism slows, our lymphatic system stagnates, and our brains receive less oxygen. Inactivity signals to the brain that we are “defeated” or “stagnant,” which drops our dopamine and endorphin levels. It’s hard to feel mentally vibrant when your body is essentially in standby mode.
• The Adjustment: Start every day with some movement—even a simple 5-10 minute walk around the block. Every 90 minutes, set a timer for a 2-minute break (or time this with your bathroom breaks). Do 15 air squats, a deep stretch, or just pace while you take a phone call. Our bodies and minds need the signal that they are still “active hunters.”

2. Sleep: Reclaiming the Dark

The Mismatch: We evolved with the rising and setting of the sun. Our hormones are calibrated to blue light in the morning and total darkness (or the warm amber of firelight) at night.

• The Glitch: Staring at a laptop or TV at 11:00 PM tells your brain it is high noon. Your body suppresses melatonin, and your “deep sleep” repair cycle never fully kicks in.
• The Adjustment: Get outside for 10 minutes of sunlight first thing in the morning to “set” your internal clock. This tells your brain exactly when the day has started. After 8:00 PM, turn off harsh overhead lights and switch to warm lamps or even candles. Reduce screen time as much as possible, especially 30 minutes before bed.

3. Stress: Closing the “Lion” Loop

The Mismatch: Stress was meant to be acute. You see a predator, your heart races, you run, and—if you survive—the stress is over. Modern stress (emails, mortgage, news) is abstract and never ends.

• The Glitch: We are marinating in cortisol. Our bodies think the lion is in the room with us all day long, leading to that “wired but tired” feeling.
• The Adjustment: To tell your nervous system the “hunt” is over, take a deep double-inhale through your nose (one big breath, then a tiny extra sip of air at the top) followed by a very long, slow exhale through your mouth. Do this three times. It is a biological reset for the fight-or-flight response.

4. Social: The “Small Tribe” Connection

The Mismatch: We evolved to live in tight-knit groups of 50 to 150 people. In these “tribes,” everyone was known, and social isolation was a death sentence.

• The Glitch: We now have 5,000 connections across LinkedIn and Instagram, but may go days without meaningful, face-to-face eye contact. Our brains interpret digital-only interaction as “isolation,” which triggers survival-based anxiety.
• The Adjustment: Once a week, meet a friend for a walk or coffee. Put the phones away. Shared physical space and eye contact release oxytocin, the hormone that buffers you against the world’s chaos. If you can’t meet in person, try a FaceTime with no other distractions—no multitasking, just looking at their face.

5. Focus: Defending the Deep Mind

The Mismatch: Our brains are hardwired to notice novelty because, in the wild, a new sound could be a threat or an opportunity.

• The Glitch: Tech companies have taken advantage of this instinct. Every notification is a “digital rustle in the grass.” We are living in a state of constant distraction that leaves our brains exhausted but unsatisfied.
• The Adjustment: Give your brain a break from “scanning for predators.” Close every tab except one. Put your phone in another room. Set a timer for 25 minutes of deep work. You’ll be amazed at how much less “tired” you feel when you stop task-switching. See also my previous post about “The Brick” if you want to get serious on this one. Life-changing!

The Audit: Where Are You Out of Alignment?

The next time you feel “off,” I invite you to perform a quick Evolutionary Audit. Look around your current environment and ask: “What here would confuse a version of me from 50,000 years ago?”

• Movement Audit: Have I been sitting around playing video games or watching TV for hours? Get up, go on a walk, and call a friend. I guarantee you will feel better.
• Breath Audit: When was the last time you paid attention to your breathing and took several deep breaths? Google “simple breath work patterns” and incorporate them into your day.
• Temperature Audit: Are you living in a constant 72-degree bubble? Humans evolved to endure the elements. Try a 30-second cold blast at the end of your shower or step outside without a jacket for a minute. That brief “thermal stress” actually wakes up your metabolism and clears your head.

We can’t go back to the Stone Age, and we wouldn’t want to. I personally feel that there is no better time to be alive. But by being mindful of these mismatches, we can start to build a modern life that actually respects our bodies and minds.

Which of these mismatches feels most present in your life today? How will you make one small change to address it?